Sexual Abuse Comic in the works

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So I had a really disturbing dream last night. I was pregnant from a rape (in real life I never got raped ''legally'', it was just other abuse and sexual molestation), and I remember walking on my campus carrying this heavy load and I was so miserable. My older sis Sandita came to Japan with me to help me out. I also remember a lot of other people being there. I had this heavy grey and black checkered coat that looked very similar to Eddy's brother's jacket just black and grey instead of red. The jacket was too big on me and I was sweating, the jacket made me really hot and I felt very bloated from the pregnancy. So I tried to take the jacket off but for some reason I couldn't. So I kept walking and my feet were hurting so bad, they were all swollen, and i kept sweating like a pig and just felt very heavy and painful. I remember walking past a window and seeing my reflection and I was huge it was really scary...I'm really short, I'm only 5' 0'' tall so to see my stomach stretched out was just disturbing in its own right....my whole stomach didn't look like it was apart of me. I looked like a little girl with a giant tumour. My sister was behind me and supporting me, because it looked like I would topple over from all the weight. Then all of a sudden the guy who raped me (it was just a random guy in my dream, no one I knew in real life), stepped in front of us and just smiled and said, ''How are ya sweetie?'' I woke up, I'm surprised I didn't scream, but it was really disturbing and I couldn't fall back asleep. So now I'm in a bad mood.

So I think despite how busy I am.....I think it's a good time to start that sexual abuse comic that I've had planned for a year. I have so many educational comics in mind, and I did start the transgender one (pages need colour)..however, I realize that no matter how many years have passed, my abuse will always haunt me and my family. And because of everything that happened on Rolf's account, it tells me that it's harder for me to forget than I thought. I convinced myself for ten years I was happy and nothing was wrong, it was in the past and I should just forget. But obviously I can't forget. I did a wrong thing using Rolf as an outlet and letting all the things that happened to me in real life to him, and I should've just kept it in my personal art and writings. I am writing a book now, but will not share it for a long time. And sometimes pictures help me better than words. I planned the comic ''The Dark I Know Well'' when I first started writing Edd, Interrupted a year ago...Edd, Interrupted had a lot of my own life, it was a darker version of Ed Edd n' Eddy and my experiences growing up as a teen in India. A lot of the stories were true events and things that happened to myself and my friends. But I realized that because I was basing the kids more off people in my life, there was too much OOCness and despite how popular the story grew, I decided not to finish it and write my own memoir. Eddy's brother was too much like my best friend, Shanti's brother, Rolf was too much like me and my dad, Eddy was too much like Shanti and my friend Kino, the Kankers were too much like my sisters, Kevin was like my best friend and roommate in Japan, Nicki... so because of how too real it was for EEnE...it went over too many realistic issues, I'm prolly never going to go back to it again. Instead I need to tell my story to the world another way. Not with fan writings but with autobiographies. So I think sometime this year ''The Dark I Know Well'' needs to happen. I don't have enough time this summer, I have too much going on. Maybe during my winter break, since I have the whole month of December off, it needs to get started. I have Kylea's :iconmisjudgment: permission to use Alex...I was going to tell part of Alex's story because I relate to it a lot. But instead of my original plans to use Eddy's story from Edd, Interrupted....I think it needs to be a real story. I don't think it helps using a fictional character that belongs to someone else.....I think it's insulting as well to use Eddy to tell a real story. Sure, I wanted a boy character at first to show that sexual abuse is not a woman problem, that many boys go through it as well. But at the same time it's not canon and is sort of wrong to do that. So Instead of Eddy, Shanti, my sister Sandita and myself will prolly take his place. I may make myself a boy character instead, because I don't want people to get the wrong idea and think it's a negative portrayal of men from a feminist viewpoint. I want people to see that boys and men undergo sexual abuse just as much as women. We're not man haters....we just hate rapists. And rapists can be women too. A few women were involved in my abuse. So that being said, I think it's a good time to tell my story if there are willing ears to listen. I'm done being silent.
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